One Year with Wyatt Part 2: The NICU

I was a little surprised to see how many of you read my birth story blog post and I want to say I really appreciate the support! It’s incredible how very birth story is so different. Although mine wasn’t what I imagined, a year later I have a happy and healthy son and that is most important and we feel blessed for that fact.

Golisano Children’s Hospital

It was a long road to get him home, though.

Wyatt was born at Health Park hospital in Fort Myers, Florida, and attached is Golisano Children’s Hospital: a brand new and excellent children’s hospital. We felt so grateful for this, and the fact that my in-laws live only 20 minutes from this hospital.

So June 24 (Wyatt’s birthday) started week #2 in Fort Myers for me and week #1 of Wyatt in the NICU. I checked out of the hospital the day after Wyatt was born and went back to my in-laws.

Eye mask on for the bili lights for jaundice

I felt like I was hit by a truck. No, ten trucks. My body was so slow and I just felt like everything around me was in slow motion. I was so utterly exhausted, I honestly can’t imagine having brought my baby home that day and being able to function at all. Moms are literally super heroes!

For the first couple days I had no idea what to do, when to go see Wyatt and what to do when I got there. I felt like there was nothing I could do for him. I felt so useless. I didn’t feel like a mom yet. I couldn’t hold him, and I was almost too scared to anyway.

My Days in the NICU

After a couple days, my mom and my mother in law were a little worried about me (rightfully so) and they told me I had to make a schedule to go see Wyatt every day, so I did. And that helped because it gave me a little more purpose. I decided to go there for his 9:00am, 12:00pm and 6:00pm “touch times”. This is where the nurse or parent takes the baby’s temperature, changes his diaper, etc. The babies are so easily stimulated at that age, they simply can’t be touched and poked and prodded all the time. It stresses them out and burns calories.

My first time holding Wyatt. He was 6 days old.

Around day 2 or 3 I started my new schedule with Wyatt (TJ and I would alternate visits) until day 4 or 5 and TJ had to go back home to get back to work. It was devastating and I felt so alone. I was still in the “baby blues” stage so it was just really difficult and emotional and scary being left there without him.

Thankfully my mom had come down the day after Wyatt was born and she stayed with me at my in-laws for the first 3.5 weeks or so, which was really nice.

I didn’t see her that much though, because I would get up around 8 and leave at 8:30 to get to the hospital for Wyatt’s 9:00 touch time. Then I would get an early lunch in the hospital, do his 12:00 touch time, go home and take a nap most days, then head back out for Wyatt’s 6pm touch time. I’d get home after that and go to bed. The days were so long and mentally exhausting. Plus I was pumping every 3 hours around the clock.

Wyatt’s Health

As far as the doctors could tell, Wyatt didn’t have any “real” health problems. They were all the typical preemie health problems. His lungs were underdeveloped when he was born so he needed support breathing. In the beginning he had a CPAP, feeding tube, an IV, chest monitors and a pulse oximeter. He was under blue lights for jaundice.

Eventually the blue lights went away, and the IV. He was getting stronger every day and gaining weight. People would ask “when is he getting out?” And I would ask, too. But as I said in my first blog post, the doctors and nurses will tell you that your baby wasn’t suppose to be born until their due date (approximately) so essentially expect them to be in that long. I couldn’t fathom Wyatt being there— and I stuck in Florida— for 6 whole weeks!!!

I joined a NICU Moms Facebook group and saw how “lucky” we had it. Some babies are born incredibly premature. Much more sick, and/or weigh less than two pounds! The nurses called Wyatt a “good size baby” at 4 lbs 7 oz, which is wild to me. But compared to what they see every day, he was!

In the NICU moms group moms would talk about their babies born about the same age as Wyatt and they stayed in the NICU 2, 3, maybe 4 weeks, so I was really hopeful.

Unfortunately, Wyatt is what they affectionately call a “wimpy white boy” and he had a different plan. Apparently white baby boys tend to be the slowest to mature in the NICU, and that was definitely Wyatt.

He started bottle feeding around 36 weeks and he baaaarely made his minimums every day. They almost put his feeding tube back in a couple times but then he’d make his minimum by the skin of his teeth. It was agonizing. I couldn’t stand the idea of taking any steps back. Of course, the nurses were always able to feed him better than I was and that made me feel like a failure.

He was having a lot of “desats” or oxygen desaturations which is when his oxygen level goes below I think 80. This kept him on oxygen up until about the last week and a half. They even took the oxygen off once or twice before that and he had to get put back on it because he couldn’t quite maintain his oxygen levels on his own. This is very common for preemies.

He was also having “Bradys” or bradycardia episodes, which is apnea. He would forget to breathe. This happened a lot when I was holding him and it was absolutely terrifying. The alarms would go off and the nurse would run in. I started having such anxiety every time I held him, but of course I had to hold my baby. It would also happen when I or the nurses were feeding him. So every time I held or fed my baby, I was absolutely terrified that he would forget to breathe and turn blue. I can’t even explain to you the level of anxiety I was feeling during this time. This is not how it’s suppose to be.

The apnea episodes are also very common in preemies. This was the last thing we were waiting for him to grow out of. Many preemies grow out of this by 38 weeks (if I remember correctly). Not my Wyatt. The hospital requires 72 hours of no Bradys before he can be released. That clock was re-started probably 3 times. Absolute torture. Torture because I was so incredibly ready to go home, but also because I didn’t want to bring home a baby that was still forgetting to breathe sometimes.

. . . Have I mentioned anxiety yet?

Finally, after a little over 6 weeks in the NICU, he beat that 72 hour clock and he “graduated"! Two days before his due date.

My mom came back down to Fort Myers to drive home with Wyatt and I. We left the next morning. I could write a whole other blog post about the drive home but I’ll just say it’s usually 9 hours and it took us 15. It was one of the most stressful days of my life (as if I hadn’t had enough recently already).

When Wyatt and I got home to Mount Pleasant, over 6 weeks after he was born, it was the very first time my husband, Wyatt and I were in the same room since the day he was born (thanks COVID).

The first time TJ held Wyatt. He was over 3 weeks old.

Whew. Are you feeling secondhand anxiety over there? It was all really tough, honestly. I can’t sugar coat it and I certainly wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And it was just the beginning! Life as a parent is full of anxiety, worry, and exhaustion. But it is also truly so full of love, wonder, pride and joy. Loving my son is the purest love I have ever felt.

Next week I’ll talk about Wyatt’s first year of life post-NICU, including a few things I plan to do the same, and different, with the next baby.